De-Motivational Question

Inspired by a touchy-feely manager’s class I was obligated to take today.

In order for me to win, someone else must: (pick one)

  • Lose
  • Help
  • Profit

Gibberish German

There’s a bit of fake information floating around the internet.  Shocking, I know.

The Germans do not (before this year, anyway) use the word “wuffenmaker” for dog.

However, I am thoroughly in love with this word and very may well use this as my next dog’s surname.

Spinach Cheese Balls

 

Spinach Cheese Balls

Print Recipe
Prep Time 20 minutes
Cook Time 18 minutes
Servings: 10 people
Course: Appetizer
Cuisine: American
Ingredients Equipment Method Notes

Ingredients
  

  • 30 oz frozen chopped spinach thawed and drained
  • 4 1/2 cups Pepperidge Farm Herb stuffing mix
  • 1 1/2 cups Parmesan Cheese grated
  • 4 1/2 eggs beaten
  • 1 1/8 cups butter melted
  • 1/2 tsp thyme

Equipment

  • 1 bowl
  • 1 baking sheet
  • 1 wooden spoon

Method
 

  1. Mix all ingredients
  2. Form into bite-size balls
  3. (optional) freeze
  4. Preheat oven to 350
  5. Bake for 15-18 minutes

Notes

Delicious appetizer from our family friend Joy Becker.  She said she got it from her mother-in-law.

Bolognese

Bolognese Sauce

Inspired by one of several bolognese recipes from the Food Network
Print Recipe
Servings: 6 people
Course: Main Course
Cuisine: Italian
Ingredients Equipment Method

Ingredients
  

  • 4 tbsp olive oil divided
  • 1 onion, yellow, medium chopped or diced
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 1 stalk celery chopped
  • 1 carrot chopped
  • 1 lb ground beef
  • 28 oz tomatoes, crushed San Marzano if available, with basil
  • 1/4 cup Parmesan and/or Romano cheese

Equipment

  • 1 pot
  • 1 pan large
  • 1 garlic press

Method
 

  1. Heat pan with olive oil over medium heat
  2. Add onions, and sauté until soft, 5-10 minutes
  3. Add garlic and sauté until fragrant, about 1 minute
  4. Add celery and carrot, sauté for about 5 minutes
  5. Increase heat to medium-high and add beef
    Break up clumps and cook until not pink, about 10 minutes
  6. Turn heat down to medium-low and add tomatoes
    Cook until sauce thickens, roughly 30 minutes
  7. Top with cheese, and serve over pasta

Inspired by https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/simple-bolognese-recipe2-1956219.

A Real, Live Nigerian Prince Scam

typical Nigerian scam letter
Click the image to enlarge

Friends, I have arrived.

Someone paid real money to mail me my very own Nigerian Prince scam.  I haven’t seen one of these in years, and never before have I received one via the US Postal service.  They have always been via email, which makes sense because it’s cheap.

But this wonderful communiqué was printed on the best 8.5″ x 11″ bog-standard printer paper that money can buy, lovingly edited to include the finest factual and grammatical errors (“Reputable Bank”, a Canadian COVID victim in February of 2020, strange misuse of quotations, commas, and capitalization, etc), and directs me to communicate with a superb free email account.  They even included a black and white clip art picture.  I’m amazed at the cheek of it all.

You’re not anyone until someone spends real money on scamming you.  I’m flattered!

Baked Tofu

Baked Tofu

This is a base recipe for putting tofu into other things
Print Recipe
Prep Time 50 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes
Total Time 1 hour 15 minutes
Servings: 4
Ingredients Equipment Method

Ingredients
  

  • 14 oz tofu extra firm
  • 1 tbsp oil neutral
  • 1/3 cup cornstarch

Equipment

  • 1 cookie sheet or any large, flat pan
  • parchment paper
  • tofu press or two large flat plates and a heavy pot
  • 2 towels

Method
 

  1. Press the tofu
    If you don't have a tofu press, and who does?
    Place 3 layers of paper towels or a clean kitchen towel on a plate. Place tofu on towels and cover with another 3 layers of towels or another clean kitchen towel. Place a heavy can or skillet on top of tofu to press moisture out, pouring off excess water and replacing towels as they get soaked, 30 to 45 minutes
  2. Preheat oven to 425F
    If you're using a cast iron pan, preheat with the oven
  3. Break or cut tofu into 1" cubes and toss into a bowl or bag
  4. Drizzle tofu with oil, and toss to coat
  5. Sprinkle on cornstarch, and toss to coat
  6. Line baking sheet with parchment paper, and arrange tofu cubes so they don't touch each other
  7. Bake for 12 minutes, flip the cubes over, and bake for another 12 minutes

Garlic Butter Chicken Bites

 

Garlic Butter Chicken

Print Recipe
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Total Time 25 minutes
Servings: 5 people
Course: Main Course
Cuisine: American
Ingredients Equipment Method Notes

Ingredients
  

  • 1.5 lbs chicken cut to 1-2 inch pieces
  • 2 tbsp flour
  • 1.5 tsp Italian seasoning
  • 1 pinch salt optional
  • 1 pinch black pepper optional
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 3 tbsp butter unsalted
  • 4 cloves garlic minced
  • 2 tbsp parsley finely chopped

Equipment

  • 1 Skillet
  • 1 bowl, medium sized or use a 1-gallon ziploc bag
  • 1 wooden spoon or spatula

Method
 

  1. Preheat skillet over medium-high heat
  2. Mix flour, Italian seasoning, salt, pepper, and chicken into bowl.
    Toss until chicken is completely coated and there's no flour left.
    Do this right before you're ready to move the chicken to the pan. Don't do this too far in advance or the chicken bits will start sticking to each other again.
  3. Add olive oil and 1 tbsp butter to pan, ensure bottom has an even coat
  4. Add chicken to pan. Spread to an even layer with a little bit of space between pieces.
    You want to brown the chicken, not steam it.
  5. Cook until bottom starts to turn golden brown, 3-4 minutes, then flip and cook another 2 minutes
  6. Add remaining butter, garlic, and parsley. Cook 1 minute longer.
  7. Serve while still hot

Notes

This pairs excellently with buttered egg noodles or rice for that pleasant "hardened arteries" feeling.

Originally found at https://www.cookingclassy.com/garlic-butter-chicken-bites/

Garlic-Parmesan Broccoli

 

Garlic Parmesan Broccoli

Quick prep, and cooks in 12 minutes
Print Recipe
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Total Time 30 minutes
Servings: 4
Course: Side Dish
Ingredients Equipment Method Notes

Ingredients
  

  • 2 heads broccoli
  • 4 cloves garlic minced
  • 1/4 cup parmesan cheese grated
  • 3 tbsp olive oil
  • 3 tbsp lemon juice

Equipment

  • 1 baking sheet
  • 1 bowl large, for mixing broccoli w/ oil and garlic
  • 1 oven

Method
 

  1. Preheat oven to 425F
  2. Cut the broccoli into bite-sized florets
  3. Toss broccoli with olive oil, garlic, and salt and pepper to taste
  4. Spray baking sheet or pan with non-stick spray or oil
  5. Bake for 10 - 12 minutes, until tender and very slightly crisped around the edges
  6. Sprinkle with parmesan

Notes

Pairs very well with Garlic Baked Whitefish.  You can cook both in the same oven at the same time, just cook the broccoli at 400F a little longer (3-4 minutes)

Inspired by damndelicious.net