Category: Stuff

De-Motivational Question

Inspired by a touchy-feely manager’s class I was obligated to take today.

In order for me to win, someone else must: (pick one)

  • Lose
  • Help
  • Do their god-damned job
  • Profit

Gibberish German

There’s a bit of fake information floating around the internet.  Shocking, I know.

The Germans do not (before this year, anyway) use the word “wuffenmaker” for dog.

However, I am thoroughly in love with this word and very may well use this as my next dog’s surname.

A Real, Live Nigerian Prince Scam

typical Nigerian scam letter
Click the image to enlarge

Friends, I have arrived.

Someone paid real money to mail me my very own Nigerian Prince scam.  I haven’t seen one of these in years, and never before have I received one via the US Postal service.  They have always been via email, which makes sense because it’s cheap.

But this wonderful communiqué was printed on the best 8.5″ x 11″ bog-standard printer paper that money can buy, lovingly edited to include the finest factual and grammatical errors (“Reputable Bank”, a Canadian COVID victim in February of 2020, strange misuse of quotations, commas, and capitalization, etc), and directs me to communicate with a superb free email account.  They even included a black and white clip art picture.  I’m amazed at the cheek of it all.

You’re not anyone until someone spends real money on scamming you.  I’m flattered!

Shower-thought about WALL-E

I was today years old when I figured out that WALL-E (2008) is just a re-telling of the movie Idiocracy (2006).

Don’t take this the wrong way.  I like both movies.  However, the parallels I see off the top of my head:

  • The world is a mess, literally and figuratively;
  • People are obsessed with low-grade entertainment and let their minds (and, in the case of WALL-E, their bodies) fall apart, while machines and automation have kept society from collapsing
  • Nobody knows how to get plants to grow;
  • Someone from the past holds the key to saving the world

There are probably more, this is all going from memory while I was in the shower this morning.

Fitness Update

I used to think I was fit when I walked a 15 minute mile. I was huffing and puffing, but I was proud that I did it.

Today, I averaged a sub-13 minute mile today and wasn’t even breathing hard.13:22 minute mileI’m posting today not because that time was a particular achievement, but because it was so unremarkable.  The achievement is that I can do it so reasonably.

Rune Sore Bees

Megh and I quote this story at each other from time to time about ordering breakfast at a foreign hotel.  It originally came to us via email in the early days of Eternal September.

We riffed on it in front of a friend tonight.  This friend did not know the story, and after giving the short-short-short story on it I figured I’d see if I could find it online.

Apparently it was written by Shelley Berman¹, not a random unknown person, and forwarded via email endlessly without permission or attribution.

I’m going to redistribute it again, but this time with attribution.

(Reading hints: You are on the phone. The other party is also in the hotel.)

Morny, rune sore-bees.

Oh sorry, I thought I dialed room service.

Rye. Rune sore-bees. Morny. Jewish to odor sunteen?

Yes, order something. This is room thirteen-oh-five. I want…

Okay, torino-fie. Yes plea?

I’d like some bacon and eggs.

Ow July then?

What?

Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch…?

Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled, please.

Ow July thee baycome? Crease?

Crisp will be fine.

Okay. An Santos?

What?

Santos. July Santos?

Uh…I don’t know…I don’t think so.

No? Judo one toes?

Look. I really feel bad about this, but I just don’t know what judo-one-toes means. I’m sorry…

Toes! Toes! Why Jew Don Juan toes? Ow bow eenlish mopping we bother?

English muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.

We bother?

No. Just put the bother on the side.

Wad?

I’m sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.

Copy?

I feel terrible about this but…

Copy. Copy, tea, mill…

Coffee!! Yes, coffee please. And that’s all.

One Minnie. Ass rune torino-fie, strangle-aches, crease baycome, tossy eenlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?

Whatever you say.

Okay. Tenjewberrymud.

You’re welcome.

Shelley Berman, A Hotel is a Place, Price Stern Sloan, 1972.

When I first received the story, it was supposed to have originated somewhere in Asia but the accent and (mis)pronunciation always seemed to be Spanish to me.  (so maybe Philippines?)

¹ My first encounter with Mr. Berman was “The Sex Life Of The Primate (And Other Bits Of Gossip)” from my parent’s collection of vinyl.  I was 12 or 13 and much of the humor went over my head – but not all of it.