Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

PlatoFor the greater good.
Karl MarxIt was a historical inevitability.
MachiavelliSo that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
HippocratesBecause of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques DerridaAny number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de TorquemadaGive me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
Timothy LearyBecause that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas AdamsForty-two.
NietzscheBecause if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver NorthNational Security was at stake.
B. F. SkinnerBecause the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl JungThe confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul SartreIn order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig WittgensteinThe possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert EinsteinWhether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
AristotleTo actualize its potential.
BuddhaIf you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard CosellIt may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Salvador DaliThe Fish.
Charles DarwinIt was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily DickinsonBecause it could not stop for death.
EpicurusFor fun.
Ralph Waldo EmersonIt didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von GoetheThe eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest HemingwayTo die. In the rain.
Werner HeisenbergWe are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David HumeOut of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the SkepticWhat road?
Ronald ReaganI forget.
John SununuThe Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The SphinxYou tell me.
Mr. TIf you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!
Henry David ThoreauTo live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark TwainThe news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly YardIt was a hen!
Zeno of EleaTo prove it could never reach the other side.
ChaucerSo priketh hem nature in hir corages.
WordsworthTo wander lonely as a cloud.
The GodfatherI didn’t want its mother to see it like that.
KeatsPhilosophy will clip a chicken’s wings.
BlakeTo see heaven in a wild fowl.
Dr. JohnsonSir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Mrs. ThatcherThis chicken’s not for turning.
Supreme SovietThere has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Oscar WildeWhy, indeed? One’s social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience – although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Franz KafkaHardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Jonathan SwiftIt is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Donald TrumpLook, having a chicken – my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart – but you look at the road, it would have been so easy, my uncle would explain the power and that was 35 years ago – who would have thought?, but the Felines are great negotiators, the Cats are great negotiators, so, and they, the just killed, they just killed us.
MacbethTo have turned back were as tedious as to go o’er.
WhiteheadClearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Sigmund FreudAn die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)
HamletThat is not the question.
DonneIt crosseth for thee.
PopeIt was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
ConstableTo get a better view.