Categories
Jokes

Survey Says…

In the most recent survey of the dead:

  • 97% of respondents said that getting a vaccination was better than being dead;
  • 2% said that they weren’t sure which was worse;
  • 1% repeatedly asked the interviewer, “does this sheet make me look fat?”
Categories
Jokes

Heaven vs Hell

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs are French, the lovers are Italian, the mechanics are German and the trains are run by the Swiss.

In Hell, the police are German, the chefs are British, the French are the mechanics, the Swiss are the lovers and the trains are run by the Italians.

Categories
Jokes

Fish Joke

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: A fsh

Q: What do you call a fish wearing glasses?

A: A fiiiish

Categories
Jokes

Halloweenie

Q: What is a ghost’s favorite thing to drink around the holidays?

A: Booze!

Categories
Jokes

There are 10 types of people…

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know binary, those who don’t, and those who didn’t expect this joke to be in base 3.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know binary, those who don’t, those who didn’t expect this joke to be in base 3, those who didn’t expect this joke to be in base 4, … , and those who didn’t expect this joke to be in base n.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know ternary, those who don’t, and those who mistake it by binary.

There are 10 types of people in the world. One who knows binary, and nine who can’t tell a joke right.

There are two kind of people, the ones that can extrapolate information with incomplete data

There are 1 kinds of people in the world: those who start their arrays at 0 and those who don’t.

There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

Categories
Jokes Linux

Nerd Poetry

< > ! * ' ' #
^ " ` $ $ -
! * = @ $ _
% * < > ~ # 4
& [ ] . . /
| { , , SYSTEM HALTED

Translation:

Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.

Categories
Jokes

“Whatcha doin?”

“I’m working on my tan.”

“Dude. It’s night time.”

“If it were daytime, I wouldn’t have to work very hard, would I?”

Categories
Jokes

I try to tell good jokes…

…but they always come out a little funny.

You heard it here first, folks.  Try the fish and be sure to tip your waitress on the way out.

Edit: I also posted it on reddit.  Stop by and give it an upvote.