I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
Author: H Walker Jones, Esq
A professional programmer with a sordid past involving sysadmin, tech support, and cooking.
Fortune
Your father Werner was a burger server in suburban Santa Barbara, when he spurned your mother Verna for a curly-haired surfer named Roberta.
Fortune
I take it you already know of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, on hiccough, thorough, laugh and through. Well done! And now you wish, perhaps, to learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word, that looks like beard and sounds like bird. And dead — it’s said like bed not bead — and for goodness’ sake don’t call it deed! Watch out for meat and great and threat (They rhyme with suite and straight and debt)
A moth is not the moth in mother, nor both in bother, broth in brother. And here is not a match for there, nor dear and fear for bear and pear. And then there’s dose and rose and lose — just look them up — and goose and choose, and cork and work and card and ward, and font and front and word and sword, and do and go and thwart and cart — come, come I’ve hardly made a start. A dreadful language? Man alive. I’d mastered it when I was five.
Alpha Child Calls It Like It Is
That’s why they call it Windows — because it breaks so much, like glass.
— Alpha, age 10
Pasta Twists with Broccoli Sauce
From http://www.momswhothink.com/quick-and-easy-dinner-recipes/pasta-twists-with-broccoli-sauce.html
Ingredients
- 3 cloves garlic
- 1 medium onion
- 2 medium stalks broccoli
- 1 large red bell pepper
- ¾ pound pasta twists (about 4½ cups)
- 2 Tablespoons olive oil
- ¾ teaspoon oregano
- ½ teaspoon salt
- black pepper to taste
- 1 cup heavy cream
- ½ cup grated Parmesan cheese
Directions
- Bring a large pot of water to a boil.
- Finely chop the garlic and onion.
- Separate the broccoli tops from the stems, cut the stems and tops into bite-size pieces. Coarsely chop the red bell pepper.
- Add the pasta to the boiling water and cook until al dente, 10 to 12 minutes, or according to package directions.
- While pasta is cooking, in a large skillet, warm of 1 tablespoon of the oil over medium-high heat until hot but not smoking.
- Add the garlic onion mixture and stir-fry until browned, about 5 minutes.
- Add the remaining 1 tablespoon oil, the broccoli tops and stems, the bell pepper, oregano, salt, and black pepper.
- Stir fry until vegetables are crisp-tender, about 5 minutes.
- Add the heavy cream and Parmesan and bring the mixture to a gentle boil over medium heat.
- Cook, stirring, until the mixture thickens slightly, 2 to 3 minutes.
- Drain the pasta and toss with the vegetables and sauce. Serve with warm Italian bread.
Buttermilk Pancakes
From http://allrecipes.com/recipe/buttermilk-pancakes-ii/
Ingredients
- 3 cups all-purpose flour
- 3 tablespoons white sugar
- 3 teaspoons baking powder
- 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
- 3/4 teaspoon salt
- 3 cups buttermilk
- 1/2 cup milk
- 3 eggs
- 1/3 cup butter, melted
Directions
- In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, beat together buttermilk, milk, eggs and melted butter. Keep the two mixtures separate until you are ready to cook.
- Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. You can flick water across the surface and if it beads up and sizzles, it’s ready!
- Pour the wet mixture into the dry mixture, using a wooden spoon or fork to blend. Stir until it’s just blended together. Do not over stir! Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/2 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.
A Billion Baked Fish Recipes
Baked Fish — More than a Billion Recipes (5x12x3x12x11x12x5x12x12x6 = 1,231,718,400)
From http://www.reddit.com/r/AskCulinary/comments/19x3ak/should_modern_recipes_be_consultative_or/c8s3gqz (Ken-G)
I call this a recipe template. It is a spreadsheet but shown below in text outline format.
Container (choose 1 of 5)
- Au Gratin Pan
- Baking Dish
- Foil
- Parchment
- Single Serve
Fish (choose 1 of 12), guideline 1 pound
- Bass/Branzino
- Cod
- Dorado/Mahi Mahi
- Grouper
- Halibut
- Roughy
- Salmon
- Scallops
- Shrimp
- Snapper
- Sole/Flounder
- Tuna
Fat (choose 1-2 of 3), guideline 2-4 Tbsp
- Butter
- Olive Oil
- Mayo
Liquid (choose 2-3 of 12), guideline 1/2 Cup
- Lemon Juice
- Lime Juice
- White Wine
- Sherry
- Balsamic Vin
- Milk/Cream
- Soy Sauce
- Fish Sauce
- Rice Vinegar
- Mirin
- Sesame Oil
- Teriyaki Sauce
Extras (choose 0-3 0f 11), guideline <1/4 Cup
- Onion
- Garlic
- Ginger
- Green Onion
- Bacon Bits
- Capers
- Jalapeño
- Olives
- Marmalade
- Shallots
- Sugar/Honey
Fruit/Veg (choose 0-2 of 12), guideline – not too much
- Tomato
- Mushrooms
- Bell Pepper
- Mango
- Pineapple
- Cajun Trinity
- Creole Mix
- Parsley/Cilantro
- Pesto
- Salsa(Red/Green)
- Sambal
- Tabasco
Cheese (choose 0-1 of 5), guideline 1/4-1/2 Cup
- Parmesan
- Romano
- Jack
- Cheddar
- Feta
Spices/Herbs (choose 2-3 of 12), guideline 1/2 tsp each
- Salt & Pepper
- Basil
- Cayenne
- Cilantro/Coriander
- Cumin
- Garlic Powder
- Mustard(Dry/Wet)
- Oregano
- Paprika
- Red Chile Flakes
- Thyme
- Wasabi
Crust (choose 0-1 of 12), guideline <1 Cup
- Coconut
- Corn Flakes
- Cornmeal
- Flour/Egg Batter
- Panko/Bread Cr
- Almonds
- Cashews
- Macadamia
- Pine Nuts
- Pistachios
- Sesame Seeds
- Walnuts
Oven Setting (choose 1 of 6), guideline Hotter=Crispier
- 325° 30-40 min
- 350° 20-30 min
- 375° 15-20 min
- 400° 10-15 min
- 450° 8-10 min
- 500° 5-8 min
Meatballs
This is just classic meatballs.
This is one of alpha child’s favorite recipes to make with me. Honestly, I appreciate letting someone else mix the meats, my hands get really cold doing that.
Meatballs
Tasty, tasty meatballs
Equipment
- 1 mixing bowl large
- 1 15" cast iron pan
- 1 oven
- 1 measuring cup
- 1 garlic press optional
- 1 baking pan must have sides
Ingredients
- 1 lbs ground beef
- 1 lbs sweet italian sausage may substitute ground pork
- 2 cloves garlic pressed or finely chopped
- 1 yellow onion, medium diced
- 2 eggs large
- 1 cup Romano cheese or Parmesan, or mixed Parm/Romano
- 2 cups breadcrumbs
- 1 cup olive oil divided
- 1 pinch black pepper
Instructions
- Combine beef, sausage, garlic, onion, eggs, cheese, breadcrumbs, and pepper in a bowl and mix thoroughly.The mix should be very moist, but able to be rolled into a meatball shape and hold it. You might need to dd a little water (up to a cup is sometimes needed) until it's moist enough.
- Shape into meatballs.I generally aim for 1-2 inches across, or the size when you curl your index finger and touch your thumb. Larger meatballs will need a longer time to finish in the oven.
- Heat a couple of tablespoons of olive oil over medium heat.
- Fry meatballs in batches in skillet until browned on all sides.Add oil as needed between batches.
- Transfer meatballs to pan, and finish in oven for 15-20 minutes.
Husk’s Day At Work
The school year is almost over, and Beta thought she might be able to bring her old stuffed husky, imaginatively named Husk, into school. (This is a very old stuffed friend).
We said, “you may not.” Beta still thought she could get away with some shenanigans by sneaking Husk to school. Alas, she didn’t even make it as far as the bus stop out front of our house.
To ensure that he could not lead Beta into bad behavior, we determined that Husk would need to come to work with me. It was quite an adventure, and luckily I brought a camera with me to document it!
Husk enjoyed the car ride into work. He even got up on the dash! 
Here we are climbing the stairs. It’s a long climb – three floors – but we got to the top in good time. I take the stairs every day and Husk — well, huskies are known for their endurance. The elevator is for sissies.
Husk was so excited he tried to open the door for me before I could unlock it. The red light next to the door means I haven’t swiped my key-card yet.
We got right down to work. Husk typed up emails while I chatted with a co-worker about a problem we’re working on together.
He also took some phone calls. Husk is very friendly on the phone!
When I had to go to a meeting, Husk asked if he could come. “Well, sure you can!” I said. “I bet you can help us work through some of these tough problems.” Everyone was glad that Husk came.
We work hard and play harder. Husk decided to try some of the games in our common room. We have all kinds of video games.
We also have ping pong.
Husk made some new friends. These guys live in the office. Husk thought that was a little weird, at first, but they were friendly folk and Husk took a liking to them right away.
We also have a resident penguin. It got to go out for a Mardi Gras party because it’s so well dressed. I guess the best-dressed people get beads at Mardi Gras?
Even after an exciting day like this, Husk started to miss home. The skies that started out so beautiful turned dark – rain was coming. He worried that we might be caught in a storm. The building in the distance is being demolished, and I think Husk worried that they were coming for us next.
Not to worry! Traffic was light and the rain held off. We made it home, safe and sound and into the arms of a very happy little girl.
Mobile Trash Incinerator
First, I have to get this out: it wasn’t because of us. I swear.
The garbage truck caught fire a few house down from us. Not like a little fire in the back from someone tossing fireplace ashes in their bin — oh no. It was the recycling truck itself. The cab was engulfed in flames.
Megh took some photos of the event while it was happening. The driver got out safely, and nobody else was hurt, but the truck was a total loss.
One house has melted siding. The house across the street lost power as the flames burned through the power lines. And I foresee a new utility pole in our near future as the existing pole is charred to a cinder.
Our cans are still sitting on the curb waiting to be picked up. Hopefully it gets taken tomorrow but I’m sure this event puts the carting company in a tough position with trucks, so who knows.