{"id":3530,"date":"2024-12-25T21:22:01","date_gmt":"2024-12-26T02:22:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/?p=3530"},"modified":"2024-12-31T19:21:50","modified_gmt":"2025-01-01T00:21:50","slug":"rune-sore-bees","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/?p=3530","title":{"rendered":"Rune Sore Bees"},"content":{"rendered":"

Megh and I quote this story at each other from time to time about ordering breakfast at a foreign hotel.\u00a0 It originally came to us via email in the early days of Eternal September<\/a>.<\/p>\n

We riffed on it in front of a friend tonight.\u00a0 This friend did not know the story, and after giving the short-short-short story on it I figured I’d see if I could find it online.<\/p>\n

Apparently it was written by Shelley Berman<\/a>\u00b9, not a random unknown person, and forwarded via email endlessly without permission or attribution.<\/p>\n

I’m going to redistribute it again, but this time with<\/em> attribution.<\/p>\n

(Reading hints: You are on the phone. The other party is also in the hotel.)<\/p>\n

Morny, rune sore-bees.<\/p>\n

Oh sorry, I thought I dialed room service.<\/p>\n

Rye. Rune sore-bees. Morny. Jewish to odor sunteen?<\/p>\n

Yes, order something. This is room thirteen-oh-five. I want\u2026<\/p>\n

Okay, torino-fie. Yes plea?<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like some bacon and eggs.<\/p>\n

Ow July then?<\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch\u2026?<\/p>\n

Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled, please.<\/p>\n

Ow July thee baycome? Crease?<\/p>\n

Crisp will be fine.<\/p>\n

Okay. An Santos?<\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

Santos. July Santos?<\/p>\n

Uh\u2026I don\u2019t know\u2026I don\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n

No? Judo one toes?<\/p>\n

Look. I really feel bad about this, but I just don\u2019t know what judo-one-toes means. I\u2019m sorry\u2026<\/p>\n

Toes! Toes! Why Jew Don Juan toes? Ow bow eenlish mopping we bother?<\/p>\n

English muffin! I\u2019ve got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.<\/p>\n

We bother?<\/p>\n

No. Just put the bother on the side.<\/p>\n

Wad?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.<\/p>\n

Copy?<\/p>\n

I feel terrible about this but\u2026<\/p>\n

Copy. Copy, tea, mill\u2026<\/p>\n

Coffee!! Yes, coffee please. And that\u2019s all.<\/p>\n

One Minnie. Ass rune torino-fie, strangle-aches, crease baycome, tossy eenlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?<\/p>\n

Whatever you say.<\/p>\n

Okay. Tenjewberrymud.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re welcome.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Shelley Berman, A Hotel is a Place<\/em>, Price Stern Sloan, 1972.<\/a><\/p>\n

When I first received the story, it was supposed to have originated somewhere in Asia but the accent and (mis)pronunciation always seemed to be Spanish to me.\u00a0 (so maybe Philippines?)<\/p>\n

\u00b9 My first encounter with Mr. Berman was “The Sex Life Of The Primate (And Other Bits Of Gossip)<\/a>” from my parent’s collection of vinyl.\u00a0 I was 12 or 13 and much of the humor went over my head – but not all of it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Megh and I quote this story at each other from time to time about ordering breakfast at a foreign hotel.\u00a0 It originally came to us via email in the early days of Eternal September. We riffed on it in front of a friend tonight.\u00a0 This friend did not know the story, and after giving the … Continue reading “Rune Sore Bees”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[121,125],"tags":[617,909,910],"class_list":["post-3530","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funnies","category-stuff","tag-funnies","tag-rune-sore-bees","tag-shelley-berman"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4o3FW-UW","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3530","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3530"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3530\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3533,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3530\/revisions\/3533"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3530"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3530"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3530"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}