The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.<\/p>\n
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.<\/p>\n
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.<\/p>\n
I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got!<\/p>\n
We were born naked and hungry. Then things got worse.<\/p>\n
He who laughs last thinks slowest!<\/p>\n
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.<\/p>\n
“More hay, Trigger?” “No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!”<\/p>\n
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.<\/p>\n
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.<\/p>\n
Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control!<\/p>\n
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.<\/p>\n
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.<\/p>\n
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?<\/p>\n
If ignorance is bliss, then isn’t public school the intentional deprivation of our happiness?<\/p>\n
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.<\/p>\n
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.<\/p>\n
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.<\/p>\n
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.<\/p>\n
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.<\/p>\n
The gene pool needs a little chlorine.<\/p>\n
When there’s a will, I want to be in it.<\/p>\n
I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.<\/p>\n
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?<\/p>\n
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.<\/p>\n
“Criminal Lawyer” is a redundancy.<\/p>\n
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?<\/p>\n
You’re just jealous because the voices talk to me.<\/p>\n
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.<\/p>\n
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.<\/p>\n
It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.<\/p>\n
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.<\/p>\n
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.<\/p>\n
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.<\/p>\n
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.<\/p>\n
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?<\/p>\n
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.<\/p>\n
A day without sunshine is like, night.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, you have different fingers.<\/p>\n
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.<\/p>\n
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.<\/p>\n
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.<\/p>\n
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.<\/p>\n
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.<\/p>\n
Honk if you love peace and quiet.<\/p>\n
Pardon my driving; I’m reloading.<\/p>\n
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?<\/p>\n
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.<\/p>\n
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.<\/p>\n
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.<\/p>\n
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.<\/p>\n
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.<\/p>\n
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.<\/p>\n
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.<\/p>\n
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.<\/p>\n
I intend to live forever – so far, so good.<\/p>\n
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.<\/p>\n
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?<\/p>\n
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.<\/p>\n
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.<\/p>\n
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.<\/p>\n
You have the right to remain silent-please consider it.<\/p>\n
I love cats … they taste just like chicken<\/p>\n
Cover me. I’m changing lanes.<\/p>\n
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools<\/p>\n
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.<\/p>\n
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car<\/p>\n
Tow-ers will be violated<\/p>\n
Montana — At least our cows are sane!<\/p>\n
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.<\/p>\n
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.<\/p>\n
Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!<\/p>\n
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.<\/p>\n
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.<\/p>\n
Friends don’t let Friends drive Naked.<\/p>\n
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.<\/p>\n
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?<\/p>\n
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?<\/p>\n
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!<\/p>\n
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.<\/p>\n
Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!<\/p>\n
Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!<\/p>\n
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.<\/p>\n
i souport publik edekasion<\/p>\n
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.<\/p>\n
Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?<\/p>\n
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?<\/p>\n
Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’…till you can find a rock.<\/p>\n
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.<\/p>\n
I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.<\/p>\n
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.<\/p>\n
One good thing about Alzheimer’s is you get to meet new people every day<\/p>\n
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.<\/p>\n
Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names.<\/p>\n
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.<\/p>\n
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question….or is it?<\/p>\n
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.<\/p>\n
A closed mouth gathers no foot.<\/p>\n
THE BILL OF RIGHTS… (Void where prohibited by law)<\/p>\n
If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.<\/p>\n
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.<\/p>\n
First draw the curve, then plot the data.<\/p>\n
A FOOL AND HIS MONEY can throw one hell of a party.<\/p>\n
When blondes have more fun do they know it?<\/p>\n
Remember, half the people in the world are below average.<\/p>\n
Where there’s smoke, there’s dinner.<\/p>\n
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?<\/p>\n
Constipated people don’t give a crap.<\/p>\n
Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.<\/p>\n
If you drink don’t park, accidents cause people.<\/p>\n
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?<\/p>\n
If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.<\/p>\n
Please tell your pants its not polite to point.<\/p>\n
If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.<\/p>\n
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.<\/p>\n
Thank you for pot smoking.<\/p>\n
To all you virgins thanks for nothing.<\/p>\n
If at first you don’t succeed…blame someone else and seek counseling.<\/p>\n
Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings”.<\/p>\n
If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.<\/p>\n
It’s not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.<\/p>\n
If you’re not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.<\/p>\n
There is no satisfactory substitute for brains, but in some cases silence does pretty well.<\/p>\n
The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.<\/p>\n
This car is constipated – it can’t pass nuttin’.<\/p>\n
Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.<\/p>\n
It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.<\/p>\n
My karma ran over your dogma.<\/p>\n
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.<\/p>\n
This is not an abandoned vehicle.<\/p>\n
I don’t lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.<\/p>\n
Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.<\/p>\n
Welcome to Texas, now go home.<\/p>\n
If you don’t like the news, go out and make some of your own.<\/p>\n
Life’s too short to dance with ugly men.<\/p>\n
Life’s too short to dance with ugly women.<\/p>\n
I is a college student.<\/p>\n
Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.<\/p>\n
Beer isn’t just for breakfast any more.<\/p>\n
Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.<\/p>\n
Eschew obfuscation.<\/p>\n
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.<\/p>\n
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law’s face on the back of a milk carton.<\/p>\n
Is there life before coffee?<\/p>\n
Never play leap frog with a unicorn.<\/p>\n
Nobody’s ugly after 2 a.m.<\/p>\n
The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.<\/p>\n
I Cayman went.<\/p>\n
My other wife is beautiful.<\/p>\n
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?<\/p>\n
Don’t laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.<\/p>\n
Nuke the unborn baby whales.<\/p>\n
Geez if you belive in honkus.<\/p>\n
Save California; when you leave take someone with you.<\/p>\n
I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.<\/p>\n
There’s one in every crowd and they always find me.<\/p>\n
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.<\/p>\n
When you’re in love, you’re at the mercy of a stranger.<\/p>\n
Just when you think you’ve won the rat race along come faster rats.<\/p>\n
If it’s too loud, you’re too old.<\/p>\n
Wink. I’ll do the rest.<\/p>\n
An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.<\/p>\n
Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.<\/p>\n
I may be fat but you’re ugly, and I can lose weight.<\/p>\n
Who cares who’s on board?<\/p>\n
Die Yuppie Scum.<\/p>\n
No radio. Already stolen.<\/p>\n
Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it.<\/p>\n
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.<\/p>\n
Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.<\/p>\n
Exxon Suxx.<\/p>\n
Honk if you love cheeses.<\/p>\n
Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn’t exist.<\/p>\n
I don’t care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.<\/p>\n
So many pedestrians, so little time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got! We were born naked and hungry. Then things got worse. He … Continue reading “Bumper Stickers”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-2959","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P4o3FW-LJ","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2959","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2959"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2959\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2960,"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2959\/revisions\/2960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.jonesling.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}